catching up

Wow. It's been awhile. Things have been busy. I moved. Moving is always a bit of an ordeal. This one wasn't so bad but it did take some time and lots of Dad help. Poor Dad. He was great, though. He smiles a lot these days. That's quite nice. I was horribly disappointed in the many, many people that I consider friends who did not offer to lend a hand.  I keep having to remember that I need to lower my expectations of others. Most people aren't as painfully people-pleasing as I tend to be. Still, I sort of want to tell them all to fuck off next time they need something. I won't, but I want to. A couple co-workers sort of offered but I couldn't allow them to waste a day helping. But how lovely are they compared to the "others." 

My former co-worker (her last day was last Friday) left me the sweetest card on my desk. I got it first thing this morning and it turned me into this mushy, sentimentalist. She is like the nicest, funniest, most interesting person you could meet. She is lovely in every possible way. In the card she said similar things about me. That means so very much to me right now. I can't help but devour that love and use it to fuel me through the days and through the nights. I am deserving of this warmth -- that's what I need to keep telling myself. 

Speaking of love, I love my roommates.  They fed me dinner last night. I was sitting between them and we were drinking wine and eating rice and lentils and I had this surge of... I can't even begin to explain it. They are like the best sort of family a girl could possibly have. Although they express themselves differently than me, they give me way more than I deserve. I don't think I will ever be able to repay them. That being said, I hope that this move is fairly temporary. Now that I'm dating, privacy seems important. I feel like bringing a guy home is like bringing a guy home to Mom and Dad. Awkward.

I'm dating 2 men. It's wonderful and awful all at the same time. How do you suddenly meet 2 people all at once who you enjoy? I would get into details but I don't feel all that clear or right about it at the moment. It's not like I've been seeing either of them for long. It's not that we've talked about exclusivity. And yet, I feel guilt seeping through me. Such an awful thing guilt is. How do people do this sort of thing? It's not for me. Pretty soon it's going to be decision time.