Since finding out that I will pass anatomy, I sort of became a lazy bum. I studied for a bit, but not nearly what I should. It's kind of like I've got my life back and I'm going to embrace it for a bit. Although, I don't really have my life back. I got some good things in but I also got some sadness. The humidity tends to make me feel strange -- this odd feeling of longing takes over. It reminds me of my dreams. It reminds me of the ocean and babies and lemonade and fish and sex and babies. Weird, ha. I know. I can't explain it.
I just got home from dinner at Broders. I have not been there in at least a year. The last time was with Brian. God, I love that place. God, I loved it with him. God, I hate him.
Before dinner I hung out at the Bean Factory and saw the other woman's ex play a couple sets. That was fun and awkward. His friends were there and one of them knew her quite well. I had heard several horrible things about her. Shockingly, she was very sweet and beautiful and totally into her husband and 2 weeks from giving birth. I guess these things weren't at all shocking. They just proved the craziness of the other woman once again.
Have I written since my date? No, I haven't. It was a decent date. The guy was nice. I laughed a lot. I talked a lot. We had a parking lot make-out session. He invited me to his place. I turned him down. Hey, I am in no hurry to be murdered. Plus, as much as I want sex, I didn't want it that much. I don't think most men can quite follow that line of thought. In fact, there's even part of me that is pissed of that I am this way. Why can't I get over this idea that I should be totally into the guy and the moment before I do it? Or why can't I just get way into it without really knowing the guy? It fucking sucks to be so stuck in your head and so self conscious and so unsure of what you are really looking for. But at least this guy was nice about it. And we have a ton in common, including our marriage situations. I think we might try another date. That would be nice, I think. It's good to have a little fun even if there is really no chance of a future. These are things that I am learning.
Here's the strange thing, I sort of had a brief conversation with a guy at Trader Joe's today. It was nothing at all, really. I was on my way home from dinner and I stopped for apples and possibly some meat. I was looking at the deli meat and he was stocking. He way like, "hey, can I help you find something." And I was like, "nah, just browsin'." And I looked at him and he was sort of my type. He had lots of facial hair and big old earrings and he was a tad stalky but not at all overweight. He was sort of cute. But it was more about how he talked to me. He made another funny comment when I was looking at some pastrami that was in a turkey spot. He said something about how their success comes from putting random meat in random places. Cute. I would so have gone out with him if he would have asked.
That makes me think of this other guy. He works at the Lund's liquor store by my house. I recognize him from high school but I think he's a year or 2 older. Anyway, I used to always see him there when I went to buy wine. He's sort of good looking and seems really nice. I've never checked his finger to see if he's married. But I actually find myself dressing up sort of nice and going to that store when I want wine hoping I may run into him. I haven't seen him in ages but my friends have. I would so go out with him too. It's awful that there are these people in the world and because I'm so damn shy, I will most likely end up with someone from a dating site that doesn't instantly capture my attention. It's a fucking crazy world.
Ok, I must stop being boy crazy and procrastinating -- I should study. Or maybe I will just watch a movie. I'm totally back into watching movies. I saw Inglorious Basterds last night and it was AWESOME. Does it have to be Sunday night? Do I have to be alone? Bullocks, I say, bullocks (not sure where this is coming from).
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