I am drinking a mocha. A dark, hot mocha. It's the first time in some time. It reminds me of fall and football and peanut butter and jelly. It reminds me of what I've lost. I'm feeling slightly down this morning. It's not that I've lost the hope or the little girl dreams -- it's more that I'm afraid. I am afraid that my mind and heart are too easily swayed. I am afraid of never finding someone who feels the same. I'm afraid of never finding someone that I can show it to. I am afraid of never having someone who I can just crawl up on and hug. I used to do that, you know. I would just crawl up on Brian's lap, straddle him, and hug him long and hard. Tears.
'
Stupid. Ignore me. It's just this rain and this music and this new life. There are moments that it just still feels unreal. There are moments that my romantic, sentimental side overpower every bit of realism. It is one of those moments. I want to be back skipping rocks. Please don't let it be over before it even begins.
It's an Elliott Smith day. God, this music is absolutely insane. Angeles takes my breath away every time. If you are not aware of his music, I highly suggest you go to Grooveshark, search for him ad play all. You may feel a tad depressed during or after but it's beautiful. I'm hoping that tonight I can lay in my bed listening. I want to lay alone and let myself be gone for a while. I'm tired. I could use the rest.
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