PMS

Can you say PMS? Jeez, what were those posts all about last week? Seriously, that was one horribly destructive spell of PMS. Ok fine, so I was also sort of distraught by the horrific rejection. I was really looking forward to more good kissing and connecting with someone. Can you blame me? But let's be honest for a moment. There were things about this guy that I already knew would make it pretty difficult for us to have a long term relationship. I mean, seriously, who likes techno music? Ugh. Gross. And also, he actually was a total douche the first time we went out. I kind of made fun of him and said I would NOT go out with him again. Actually, I say that about all guys that I eventually end up with, so that's not really telling. But seriously, he would have driven me insane with his unconditional love of democrats and his need to throw his money and things around. It made me uncomfortable. He was totally not my type. ;)

I saw Brian last night. Oh, Brian. It was actually super fun. We had dinner. We had some sad moments. But overall, it was awesome to spend time with my friend -- the smart, passionate one. And he made me realize that I have not lost my passion and excitement at ALL. I just need to be with the right person... someone who allows me to chatter and chatters with me. We actually talked about dance and Powerpoint and his baby. We are total geeks, but we get each other. We believe in humanity, kindness, beauty and love. And I guess that's why we will just always be good friends. As stupid as he gets, I love the stupid dude. He's going to be just fine and so am I. Yep.

And so now I move on. I maintain my friendship with Brian and I explore all those things that excite me. I want to go to the Walker, I want to get a camera. And I want to go see some dance. I think that's how I will spend my Thanksgiving break. I deserve some culture. No more doing things just to do things. I did some of that and it just makes me feel like a pathetic jerk. I need to find a world out there that includes the things that I adore.

Promise me something, ok? In a day or two when I'm really fucking crabby and stressed and lonely, please remind me to pull my head out of my ass and re-read this post. Ok? Thank you. To work.