After tomorrow

I'm doing well with my running goal so far. I've run approximately 25 miles in 5 days. I took yesterday off because I had studying to do, but I got up at 4:45 this morning and went 5.5 miles. God, I hate the hilly neighborhood I'm in. It is killer on the legs. Killer. But the morning was gorgeous and I'm feeling strong. I haven't been smoking. I've been eating sort of crappy but ugh, what can you do. Tonight I will hit the gym and do some lifting. I don't want to do anything too heavy that will mess with running tomorrow. I'm shooting for at least 30 miles week 1. However, I do want to see some progress in the muscle department. I'm feeling awfully weak these days. After lifting, I will see if I have time for a little cycling. I only have an hour between work and school, though, so it's going to be pretty minimal. I'm thinking it would be nice to try to hit a spin class one of these days. It feels like it has been ages. I miss it. Really I just miss my ability to spend hours at the gym. 10 more months. That's nothing, right?

Yep, I have 10 months of school left still. I was calculating yesterday. Can you tell I'm anxious? I was just looking at my schedule for next trimester and it is pretty damn insane. My Tuesday night classes go until 10 p.m. I have to do a 7 week rotation at the clinic for 5 hours on Saturdays. And somehow, I also have to fit in a bunch of electives. I could take reflexology on Monday nights for 4 hours, but fuck man, that takes away all my time. Instead I think I will do some of the weekend electives like cancer massage... I wanted to do that anyway. There are many days I wonder if I'm going to survive this insanity. 

The boy that I like, Techno (why am I calling him this? It makes me cringe every time I type it.), is coming back from vacation today. I have not heard from him since he left. I'm feeling pretty anxious and nervous that I won't hear from him again. I'm trying desperately not to care. I'm looking and contemplating contacting other guys and thinking about messaging an old guy, because I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't want to care about the rejection. I want to be ready for it. But how can you ever be ready for it when you feel on the brink of such hope and then it's pulled away so quickly and without care? Not that that's what has happened, but it just feels like it sometimes. I've learned not to become too attached too quickly, but still, I want to continue this path and it will hurt if I don't get to have dinner and hold his hand and kiss him again. I'm in need of a place to lay my head. I'm in need of just a bit of intimacy.

Have I shared this song with you before? I may have a few months ago. I'm back to it. It's such a nice mix of melancholy and hope. Luce has so many songs that are so perfect for me at this time. This one actually reminds me of an old Train song that I used to like. Yes, I am admitting that. It harkens back to my first long runs in the woods with a slight chill and the realization of my independence. 

After tomorrow.