Fuck me

Fuck. I suck. This guy is sweet and kind and totally, totally a horrific match in every possible way. We have such different lives that it will never, never, ever work. But man, I like the way he looks and the way he kissed me. I like that he's got this tough ass exterior but he loves kids and his family and pretty much all people. But... let's be realisitic here. I can't be with a guy who doesn't drink, doesn't like coffee, and is afraid of flying on a plane. One of those and maybe, but all 3.... shit. But of course, I say I want honestly and I haven't been honest. I haven't told him this yet. Fuck me. I just think a night of cuddling and watching movies with him would be so awesome. It's awful, right? Yep. Must. cut. it. off.

I'm drinking wine right now. There you have it.

I ate thai food, pizza, and pie this weekend. FAT! Super fat! I ran 7  miles on Friday and 6 today... plus I cycled at the gym. But still, I feel fat. I want to lose these 10 pounds that I've had here for the last year.

It's been exactly a year since Brian said "get the fuck out." How fucking insane is that? Yes, I am going to keep using the word fuck over and over in this post. Get used to it. So yeah, 1 fucking year. It's flown by. It sucks shit. I'm getting fucking old. I'm dating guys who are almost 40. Fuck me. I am never going to have kids and settle down. But you know what, I have had some fun. I do like meeting interesting people. I mean, I've dated a guy who probably is a current alcoholic, a recovering alcoholic, a business owner, a guy who works at a call center, a computer programmer, a chubby guy, a skinny guy, a hot guy, a smart guy, a funny guy, an amazing fucking kisser, some really shitty kissers, guys who made me laugh, and guys who bewildered me with their assholeishness.

Fuck. I hate this.