silly obsessing

I don't really believe in ooey gooey, romantic love anymore. Yucky. And I'm not really sure that I believe in commitment either. Sorry, married folks. I just have a hard time getting back to that, even though I want it. Stupid dichotomies. So, I'm sitting here and I can't get this stupid guy off my mind. I don't know why. I don't know WHY. He doesn't even really know me at all. And I don't really know him at all. I think it might just be that whole sexual chemistry thing. We have a strong chemistry. Or it might just be that I see a barren weekend ahead. Or more likely, it's just that it's been so nice to have dinner and conversation and, let's be entirely honest here -- awesome sex -- with someone. Oh boy. Now I've really done it. I've gone there. I've stepped over that line and started to talk about it. But hey, it's my reality. I'm single and an adult and I have sex. I can talk about it.

Did you know that I used the word vaginal in class a couple weeks ago? I was so nervous because I had to explain this case of a massage therapist "who massaged the vaginal region" of a client. Man, I delivered it deadpan and awesome. The class was roaring. I can say these things. There is no reason to feel uncomfortable and dirty.

So yes, I am having sex with  this man. And I am spending the night at his place and waking up to him. It's fucking great and I am not ready for it to end. I want to tell him this, but I can't. I don't want to be too much. I don't want to smother. That is not necessary.  He is off enjoying himself and I like that. And I like that I will have time to relax and study and do things for me. Like tonight, I think I might embark on a bike ride and/or a run and then settle down with some Dexter and Modern Family and wine. I may even take a bath. Oh yes, it's a good life. So, I need to stop obsessing and worrying if this guy is into me. Who cares. I don't love him. I like him. And I could like plenty of other people if he doesn't like me. It's so ridiculous how I build these things up and obsess. Argh.

I just need to keep reminding myself of how many men have come and gone and how enjoyable it can be. I need to put on some good fucking music and get lost. I have not done that nearly enough this year. So there it is. I'm going to put on some Local Natives and maybe even some cheesy My Chemical Romance and I'm going to go ride. Ride, baby, ride (get your mind's out of the gutter. my bike)