Work, school, workout.

It's about time for a real life update, don't you think? Dating is such a very small part of what I'm doing with my time. I am liking school this term A LOT. I aced my last anatomy quiz. I have a couple sort of meh classes, but they are simple. Most of my time is spent in Rehab Massage. We are trying to find trigger points and learning cross fiber friction. It's hard work. It's frustrating. I don't know nearly enough about the muscles. And yet, I'm loving it. The teacher's are awesome. The work is fascinating.

Since I'm doing my clinic rotation at Pillsbury House, I get to work on small areas and focus on using these new techniques. Last week I worked on a girl and I found this spot right on her infraspinatus that felt funny. I pressed and it quickly melted. She was so excited to feel some immediate relief. I was so excited to feel the change. Oh yes, I am turning into a complete dork. It's good.

I also have a 3rd interview this week! Woot! It's not a dream job or anything but it would get me the hell out of this joint. I would also be working for a travel company and am thinking there may be some travel benefits. Can you say, awesome? Awesome. Cross your fingers for me. 

After feeling pretty crappy for quite a long time, I am feeling ok today. Maybe it's the sun or maybe it's the humor of last night, but I'm going to try to keep all the happy vibes running. 

Speaking of running, it has been awful lately. Awful. I think my legs are sick and tired of the treadmill. So now that it's warming up, I do believe I will be getting my lazy ass outside. It's been too long. Is it spring yet, man? This winter is taking its sweet, sweet time.

Oh the humor of it all

My date last night... oh boy, where to begin. I can't properly explain this one. He made call backs for Rent. That's impressive. He used to write a dating advice blog because men just don't know what they are doing. Plus, he has lots of advice to give, especially sex advice. That's right, sister. Oh yeah, he called me sister twice. I'm not one to stereotype but from the first moment I saw him, I was like "gay." And how does he deal with his flamboyancy, by being overtly and completely sexual, of course. 

So we get  kicked out the restaurant fairly early on, because they had a holiday party or something. Since I had wine, I didn't feel ready to drive, so we jumped in his jeep to head to the bookstore. We had planned to go there anyway. But before driving, he leaned over and started kissing me. Yep, that happened maybe 1 hour after we met. Oh and we had talked about playing Clue, so right then he asked if I'd rather just go to his house and play it, instead of the bookstore. I was like, "no, I think we should hit the bookstore" and my inner dialogue was "fuck no! What sort of slut do you think I am?" 

He had chosen which bookstore but somehow he did not know how to get there. Luckily, I, the one who does not spend much time in St. Paul, did. 

So we find Borders and start wandering around, hitting the psych section first because I thought it might be interesting to go there. Lucky me, it happened to be right next to all the sex books. That allowed him to tell me about how the American ideas of Kama Sutra are so totally wrong. Totally, sister (I can't even say that word without cringing).  So, we separated for awhile so he could go look at graphic novels. We met back up in fiction and he told me some of his short story ideas. Did I mention that he wants to be a writer? Yes, he does. What luck for him that I am working in children's publishing.

At the bookstore he grabbed me and kissed me again following it promptly with a "I'm not really in to PDA." Puke. 

So, when we finally close down the bookstore (10 pm) we head back to his car where he again starts kissing me and asks me again to go to his place. I tell him for about the 10th time that I can't. He says, "I know. That's why I asked." Nice. I believe he also made a comment about hopping in the back seat but I think my non-response kept him from taking it further. Oh, he did tell me that my legs were scrumptious and then totally started trying to get further. That's when I stopped him and told him we had to go. The whole way back to my car he talked about the importance of kissing and how he has had to teach many women the proper way to do it. He informed me that I am quite good at it and gave me an explanation as to why. I appreciated that. I always dreamed that I would have a gay guy analyze my kissing skills.

We got to my car, he kissed me again and I was free. So, I know what you're wondering. Why the hell did you kiss the guy if you were so uninterested and sure that he was gay? I don't know, man. First, I'm just not good at stopping people from doing it... EVER. Fine, you want to kiss me.... ok, nothing really to lose. Plus, he was actually a pretty good kisser. God, it feels gross saying that. But insane as it is, I find myself able to enjoy kissing people who I'm not at all interested in. I would have thought I'd be grossed out by it, but I actually kind of enjoyed it. That is a super big problem, I know. But I sort of look at it as a learning experience. Practice makes perfect, right? Oh god, I'm a retard. ;) But it's funny. It's really funny. This whole dating thing has got me laughing today. I mean, seriously? Seriously? Are there any straight, single, employed, nice guys out there? Whatever. I guess I'm just looking at it as more chapters in my little book.

And just another note about Kev... I sort of like calling him that. He sent me 1 text yesterday that said "You're addictive. They should put a label on you or something." What is that, people? Is that the line of smooth operator or what? I cannot stand it. It's way too damn smart. How do I resist it? I need to resist it.

Dating is silly.

Checklist needed

Oh, Kevin. What a mind fuck. We eat a delicious meal at Fuji Ya. He compliments me less and tells me that is part of his plan. He must not compliment me too much. He tells me that he has been to jail 7 times and has tried pretty much every drug that exists. He tells  me that he robbed a McDonald's in California when he was 21 and on Meth. It's a good story. I laugh like crazy as does he. He tells me a story of when he was in jail. Another hilarious one. He is a great story teller. 

Back at his place he shares with me the premise of the screen play he wants to write, the one I supposedly inspired him to start writing again. It's a great premise. We sit at his round kitchen table with the lovely 70's brown leather swivel chairs. Kevin sits across from me and behind him is a beautiful built in cabinet with a few glasses neatly arranged. To my left, on the wall there is an amazing abstract painting that reveals women and angels and devils. I've seen it a couple times now and I'm still taken by it. Right below it is a lovely 70's credenza, one that reminds me of everything I love about furniture. This is his house... everything simple, clean and yet warm and totally my style. 

He pours us La Crema Pinot Noir and proceeds to explain the strategy and logistics of Spades. He does not lose at cards and we are going to pair up and play against his friends in the future. Luckily, I too hate to lose. We discuss and I think it's obvious that I will be a worthy partner. So then it's time for us to actually play something against one another. He tells me his gin rules and deals the deck. The first hand, I win. It's not overwhelming but I lay down first and end up with 95 points and he ends up with 90. We drink wine and smoke cigarettes. His mix of 1400+ songs plays on. I hear Radiohead. I hear Jack Johnson. Then there's Cindy Lauper, which makes us both giggle because of an earlier Karaoke conversation. And then Colin Hay comes on. You've got to be kidding? Really, Colin Hay? I adore that song. He tells me the entire album is amazing. Right now I'm listening. He is so very right.

I have to use the bathroom. He tells me that I am required to kiss him on the way. I kiss him. He can kiss. 

At some point in this process, I tell him that I do not trust him and his compliments. He tells me he is the most honest person there is. He doesn't lie. I tell him that I like that but I don't believe it. He says I'm going to have to if this is going to work or if any relationship is going to work for me. I mention what happened with the last guy I liked and he asks me if that guy kissed me as passionately as he kisses me. What can I say? He did. And so I laugh. He says, "Ouch!" I'm not sure where the conversation goes from there. 

We finished off the first bottle of wine and opened another. We played cards for what was probably a long time. I won every hand and eventually the game. 

I stayed the night. 

When I touch him, it is a bit like touching a skeleton. There is hardly any flesh on his bones. It's disconcerting. He is happy with his body and I'm not sure that he realizes how much this weight thing bothers me. There's really not much cuddling. This feels odd to me. I like to feel someone behind  me or nuzzle myself into some one's neck. The bed is uncomfortable and the stench of smoke makes my neck ache and my head pound. I lie there thinking that he has never kissed my neck or even nuzzled it. That's a problem. I am a Taurus. I am ruled by the neck. I attempt to snuggle a bit but there's barely a body there. I can't get over it.

When I leave he tells me that I am welcome to watch football with him later. I don't follow up. 

I'm sharing these details because I find this situation to be so difficult. I know it's not right. I'm fairly certain I'm just one among a handful of women he is seeing. And yet, I'm finding it difficult to let it go. Why can't he be 40 pounds heavier and without a criminal past? Ha. People are complicated, I guess.

I am going out on a date with someone new tonight. I'm feeling nervous as per usual. I have no expectation really, but I am excited by the fact that we plan to get a drink and then wander around a bookstore. That sounds like a pleasant way to spend an evening. I just hope that he is a nice guy. He seems like he will be, but you never know. My good friend G may have been on to something when she said I should have a checklist to go through before the first date. If you've been to jail multiple times, take lots of mind-altering drugs (legal or illegal), blame your life's problems on some diagnosed mental illness, or believe heavily in God, we should just forget it... it's not going to work.

hypocrite

Fuck me. Kevin just sent me a text that said "Baby it's cold outside. I sure would like to see you again." Oh, fuck me. Tell me I'm reading too much into those words but I'm pretty sure that he meant that text for someone else. That second sentence is exactly what he sent me after our first date. And we already have plans for Saturday so that message makes no sense. I don't give a shit if he's dating other people. Look, I was going to go out with other people too. But the fucking sappy messages and all the exaggerations about how great I am and falling for me really piss me off. It looks like this is his MO. And here I thought he was cool and serious. Jesus christ. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I am a stupid, naive idiot. That's it. I am too stupid to date. Done, I tell you. Done!

Ok, now that I got that out of my system, I am honestly feeling a little relieved. I did say in my last post that I was cautious and unsure. Thank god for that. This still is a bit of blow and I do still feel a little naive for thinking he might be serious, but whatever. The more I do this dating this, the more I realize how fucking awful human beings are and how little I want to deal with them. I see a life of books, wine and seclusion in my future. And hey, that's perfectly all right. I like a world with out all the bullshit and pain. That's the world I'm looking for.