Chopin

There are times for Chopin and there are times for Hass. I am at that time. I am at that place. I am trying to wade my way through the doubts and the sorrow and I am trying to believe that I have a soul worth knowing. I am trying to believe that people see something good, and not just sadness, when they see me. I'm trying to believe that I have touched people in some way that stays with them in a positive way. I am trying to tell myself that my love has not been for nothing. I am trying to tell myself that it is not wrong to keep giving away my heart. I am trying to tell myself that there is love left to give and love left to be received. I am trying to tell myself that I should not be so serious but it's ok to be serious. I am trying to tell myself that the last two years are not an indication of who I am or what I deserve. I am trying to tell myself that what is ahead is beautiful... there will be sunrises and music and the sound of the ocean. I will find peace and purpose and my heart is not broken. I am not broken. But I am so very sad for the people that I have known and loved and lost. I want to hug Kevin so tight and touch his hair and look in his eyes and tell him that he is worthy and lovely and he should be happy to be. I want to kiss his face and touch his hand and I want him to feel worthy and comfortable and close. I want to find Brian and hug him and kiss him on the cheek until a light flickers and we can smile at the magic. I want to see him smile the way he used to smile. I want to find the girl that I massaged this past weekend and touch her hand and let her know that she is beautiful. I want to hug my father and tell him that he is the kindest, most wonderful man. I want to tell him to let go of his sadness, to let go of all those things that hurt him. I want to tell him to embrace the beauty that surrounds him. I want to hug my mother and tell her to let the silence fill in. I want to tell her to be quiet in her mind and let the good overtake the guilt. I want to hug my friends and tell them how wonderful they've been to me and how sorry I am for my ups and for my downs. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to be quiet. I want to lay in bed, a body next to mine and feel warm. I want to feel breath upon my neck and the excitement of breakfast in the morning. I want to wash all of the sadness away. I want to let the hope in. I want to play Chopin and read Hass all day and all night.