God damn it. This is one of those days, one of those moments. They are few and far between these days, in all honesty. But they come crashing in unexpectedly and it really infuriates me. All of a sudden I had this incredibly clear recollection of sitting in Venice eating cannoli with Brian and from there it went to sitting on the rooftop in Venice drinking wine with the church behind us. At the time that was the best fucking night of my life in many ways. 4 friends enjoying wine and food in the moonlight of Venice. Perfection. Fuck them. And then my mind quickly moved from that to the name Elgin Plainview. Elgin Plainview. Elgin Plainview. If you recognize it, it's because it's on a sign in Wisconsin. Two town names on a sign should mean nothing. But I saw them once and told Brian that's what we would name our kid. It wasn't a big deal, really, but I can't erase it from my brain. I also cannot erase this feeling of vertigo... I still don't feel quite grounded and maybe I never will. So, although I am quite happy with life in general, I feel awful today. I just want to go lay in bed and sleep and sleep and sleep. I don't want the responsibility of school and work and a relationship. I feel utterly inept.
In an attempt to lift my spirits, I am going to bore you with details from my life. Last weekend was absolutely delightful. K and I went to Pepin for dinner and stayed overnight. It was beautiful. Then we woke up and stopped in Stockholm, where we feasted on pastries and eggs and Mimosas surrounded by lush vegetation and with great old-timey music coming from the kitchen. I felt like I was in some quaint beach town and not in nowhere Wisconsin. That same day we went to Valleyfair and got our thrill on, although we both agreed that skydiving sort of killed some of the thrill. Steel Venom still gets the heart pumping -- I dig the corkscrew part. We went to Cantebury and bet on some horses. It was my first time and I rather enjoyed it. We were sure we were going to win, but we did not. ILikeChocolateMilk is not my favorite horse. We finished the day off with a big dinner at Nye's before retiring to our porch. Sunday evening was spent around a campfire with K's boys, discussing politics and religion until 2 in the morning (probably my favorite part of the weekend) before retiring to the futon for some… well, I guess I can be ladylike and not mention that. And although there was bit of rockiness one day of the weekend (my fault), I felt complete love for my life and for Kevin.
Last night K went out and I stayed at home and rode my bike before baking peach cobbler and oatmeal raisin cookies while sipping wine. This week I've had a small glass of wine each day and worked out every day. I feel healthier than I've felt in some time. I slept hard and long every night until last night. My legs are aching badly today – my left hip, my swollen toe and my rigid, unstretchable right leg.
This attitude today is dangerous. I'm supposed to go spend the evening with K’s friends. I like them fine enough, a lot actually, but he will be playing horseshoes and I will be left with women. I'm not good with that sort of situation. I'm much better left alone with the men where quiet is tolerated. Plus, I’m just feeling ornery and bitchy and I’m going to be awful company. He’s going to hate me.
Tomorrow I have to work at the clinic and then he is going to the Gopher game, so really we will have no time to enjoy a good meal together this weekend. And that pisses me off deep down inside. It shouldn’t. I’m pissed at myself for being pissed.
I’m loving girl music lately. Jessica Lea Mayfield is to die for. Lucinda Williams continues to haunt me. And I can’thelp but love the overly popular and glorious Adele. Davina and the Vagabonds are this great little jazz band that I saw at the Dakota last month. They are playing again tomorrow night and I’m thinking I would love to go. Her voice is awesome.
Pocket by Davina and The Vagabonds on Rhapsody. Check it out!
Listening to Call Me by Jessica Lea Mayfield on Rhapsody. Check it out!
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