That's right, I'm feeling full of self loating and self pitty today. Kevin pretty much canceled our Easter plans. He is right to do it but I still feel so inadequate with this nothing of a family and my totally awkward, shy, and uncomfortable self. What do I have to offer? I don't have much for friends or family to share. I don't have much to give his friends and family.
And then my fucking Mother sends me a whole message about how she really hopes that I'm going to get married and have kids, blah, blah, blah. So I told her that I'm not sure that's what I want anymore and it's definitely not something that is in consideration with Kevin. So then she comes back with this whole fucking thing about how she's so sad for me and I would be a good mother and how it's the best thing she ever did... Fuck her.What makes her think saying that shit is a good thing? Seriously. That woman has no tact... not ability to comprehend what has gone on in my head and heart to be where I'm at. Fuck me for letting her get to me.
Kevin left me a voicemail right when I usually finish lunch that said, "what the hell, you don't call, you don't write, you don't kiss me goodbye. yeah, call me." My heart sank a bit. He's right. I always kiss him goodbye when he's sleeping. This morning, I did not. Stupid, crabby me. I refuse to let my Mom or my past or what could've should've fuck up what could make me happy.
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