Friday Update.

Can you believe that I am almost done with school? Holy shit. I have 7 clinic shifts and 7 days of class left and then I am free. Yes, free. Holy fuck. I need clients. I'm not quitting my day job or anything, let's not get crazy, but I do have some student loans to pay off. Shit, I hate owing money. Luckily I have been paying quite a bit as I go, but still, that school was damn expensive. And now I need to figure out how to pay that off and simultaneously get some experience so that when I move to Hawaii someone will hire me. Oh yes, Hawaii is still in the plans. But before that, I am headed to Colorado.

No, I'm not going to live in Colorado. I just have a very exciting road trip planned for the end of next week. Well, unless air prices drop. If that happens, I may be hopping on that. The boyfriend and I are headed to the Rocky Mountain Folks Festival to hang out with all the hippies. I'm pretty excited. Can you believe that I've never been to Colorado? We will be staying in a little cottage by a river and the mountains. We will have a hot tub and a grill. Glorious. That's just 2 days, though. We still need accomodations for the other 2. I think we will be spending a night in Omaha.Omaha... somewhere in middle America. In Colorado we may try to spend a night in downtown Boulder or in Estes Park. I'm leaning towards to park myself. I'm trying to convince Kevin that white water rafting would be awesome. He seems up for it, but I believe that he may be a bit nervous. Then again, he went skydiving with me and didn't appear nervous for a moment.

Kevin makes me happy, even though there are things that concern me.

I saw Brian last weekend for the first time in 8 months. Last night he was in my dreams looking like the old Brian and not this new Brian. When I actually saw him he got choked up. I told him I had a boyfriend and was living with him. That must have been a bit shocking. We talked about work and life. He's surviving. I'm sad to say that I don't know that he ever goes too far beyond that, although he has every ability and characteristic to live a fantastically happy life. I sort of miss him. I guess I miss him like you would miss any person who was a part of the majority of your life and knows you well. I see his face and it reminds me of my life. Without it I feel so separated from that. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. It's good to be free of that heaviness of heart. I saw pictures and video of his kid. That still baffles my fucking head.

Life is good to me right now. I spend a lot of time eating and cooking and seeing music. And now I have time to workout on my terms and read and maybe turn on the television some day... hmmm, maybe that one can wait. But of course there are things that I am sacrificing, like the opportunity to have a family. I am trying to come to terms with the idea of that. I will never be a Mom. Is that cool with me? It just may be. I may have just found someone who makes that all ok. Sometimes I don't think so, of course. Like when my Mom continually sends me stupid ass comments like, "I am so angry with Brian for ruining your lives and the chance for you to be Mom" after I've told her multiple times that that is bullshit and to shut the hell up. WTF, Mom? So maybe I don't want to be one of those. And when we sit on the porch and watch people go by and laugh so hard I cry and get sushi and go to bed at night and he kisses my shoulder, I think that maybe a life in the sun, possibly starting up a little restaurant in the hills of Maui, living and exploring with this man, could be more than I ever hoped for. It's hard to say, I guess. I'm just going with the flow. I'm just living life and keeping the possiblities open. After all, almost anything is possible these days.

By the way, I am indulging in way too much music lately. Right now I'm listening to Beirut. They keep growing on me. I'm also in love with Dan Auerbach and the songWhen The Night Comes. The Rural Alberta Advantage and Band of Horses are still on heavy rotation at our house. And last night I introduced Kevin to The Kooks since they are coming shortly.It's going to be a show filled fall which makes me quite happy.

So that's it for now. I'm hoping to have more time, energy and creative flow in the upcoming months but I cannot promise anything. The food blog, excersize blog, music blog is still enticing me, but maybe I just need to make a end-goal Hawaii blog. I don't know. At this moment I'm excited about an early exit from work, a bike ride, and weekend of absolutely no studying.