Moving

I hate moving. I lie. I love moving. I just don't like the actual work that goes into moving. But alas, this was a fairly simple one considering how little I took with me. It's just me, clothes, some electronics, a little kitchenware, and a few pictures. I took a couple pieces of furniture but most of it lingers at my Dad's house, sad and dusty most likely never to be enjoyed again. My relationship with most of those belongings is over. I've moved on. And yet, to have a few of them surrounding me, makes me feel a bit of warmth mixed with a bit of sorrow.

I am living in this house where my clothing is safely tucked into the built in wooden drawers in the bathroom. My bike is leaning against the wall in the hall. The rooms are buttery yellow and my dark wood Asian cabinet looks like it has always been there. The porch is large and I sit hunkered down in my monkey pants, a knit orange hat and the sounds of The Rural Alberta Advantage and Beck as I sip my lychee cocktail. I sleep in a bed with a downy comforter and pillows surrounding me. In the refrigerator there are apples and grapes and Tupperware filled with couscous and pork that I cooked earlier in the week. My bookcase is waiting to be filled and I keep forgetting to throw my clothes down the laundry shoot. He plays tennis. I ride my bike. At night he waves to me as I creep in. In the morning, I kiss him as I creep out. I have not yet called it home but it feels like home, along with all those fears squirming in my belly. Will I say or do the wrong thing. Does he actually like me, and even crazier, love me. He put his arms around me while I was doing the dishes and I lost the air. I lost all proprioception. Somehow that's all it takes no matter what is happening... I can suddenly topple over the failures and stop questioning our weaknesses.

But this wasn't really supposed to be about him. This is about me and where I've been and where I'm going. Sometimes it is all a bit overwhelming. But I see Hawaii there in my future. The plan is Fall of 2012 if not sooner. I would like to get back to documenting this journey, but I seem to be busy living. I think that's probably a good thing. And now, before I'm ready, I have to get back to living. I have to rush off to school and study for a quiz. Yep, free time is still pretty hard to come by.